A-List Orthodox

Is there anything that turns Orthodox Christians into fawning, fame-worshipping groupies faster than a hint that some Hollywood or alphabet-list personality is, has or might even be considering a conversion to Orthodoxy?   Look how much mileage we got out of the, as yet to be proven, conversion of Tom Hanks following his marriage to Rita Wilson.   And now a new face enters the Orthodox Hall of Fame, as foretold in the prophetic Book of E-Online, where it is written:

And it shall come to pass in the season of soft breezes and al fresco dining, and with much media coverage but with much less coverage of cleavage, that another shall be found worthy of praise and adulation for her great works and mighty deeds, and her name shall be Naomi of the Campbell clan.  And she shall establish her kingdom with riches and fine adornment and reign over her subjects for a season of less than prime-time.

Yes, supermodel Naomi Campbell may soon become the new celebrity face of Orthodoxy with her possible marriage to Russian oligarch Vladislav Doronin.   To his credit, Mr. Doronin seems to want an Orthodox marriage, though in the present Russian business climate, Orthodox Church patronage is a little like being a member of the Rotary Club in the 50’s.  Good for one’s image.   Oooh how exciting.  You know every entertainment channel is going to be getting some good shots of the happy couple.  An iconostas makes an excellent backdrop for glossy photos.  All that gold and opulence, the candles, the incense.  Well, you know what they say -exotic is erotic.

What is it with us Orthodox that we get so star struck every time we get a celebrity convert or one of our home grown kids makes it big?  Are we so insecure that we suck up for every little tidbit of self-affirmation that comes with a walk down the red carpet?  Cradle ethnic Orthodox may see this as proof of their acceptance in mainstream America.  And us converts?  We just love the conquest of Orthodoxy over, well, everything.  If Tom Hanks would only get his picture taken in the communion line at St. Nicholas Orthodox Church we’d be on our way to Infinity and Beyond!  (Yeah, yeah – I know he voiced Woody – just go with me here)

Miss Campbell obviously got some God-given beauty and enough sense to make a success of her career, though I’d say her beauty would be enhanced more by modesty than overexposure.   Well, let’s just pray that she finds true happiness and a spiritual home in the Orthodox Church.  Really, isn’t that what we’re all trying to do?

I for one just hope she can pass the Baba gauntlet at the front door of the church.  That’s a photo that’s gonna be priceless.


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